All Becuase of my frozen ass
by shipet100
Summary: But as I was sitting there, with my ass officially frozen to the cold tile, and my sexy arch enemy leaning way too close into my person bubble, that stupid saying really started to bug me.
1. Chapter 1

I let myself slide down the glass door that showed all of the different frozen dinners at the local Safeway - you know, the kind that you open and write _"Hayner was here_" in the ice, then shut the door and realize you wrote it backwards? Or you stand there for about 10 seconds and feel like a Popsicle?

"Well, I kind of wanted to try the Green Tea flavor." That was my best friend, Roxas.

"But it's an half-gallon, what if you don't like it?" And that would be his mother.

"Then we let Sora have it. He'll eat anything as long as it stays still long enough…..or he has a knife."

See, it's like this, Roxas and his mom decided that they wanted Pizza for dinner. But no, not the kind where you pick up the phone and have someone deliver, they wanted this Californian Pizza that they said was 'sooo great'.

But it couldn't be that simple. No, the damn Safeway didn't have _that_ kind, so they spent the next twenty minutes choosing a brand of Pizza. _Frozen_ Pizza.

Yeah…..

Then they finally found one they could agree on, and Roxas suddenly decided-_'Hey I want ice cream!'_ So, that's how we go into the frozen food's section, with me letting my ass freeze to the floor, the basket holding our frozen dinner between my bent legs, Roxas saying he wanted to try _Green Tea_ ice cream and bickering with his mom over what flavor they should get.

"But Hayner won't eat that." I hear my name and looked to Roxas.

"I don't care what you get, but if you're gonna get some fruity green tea shit, I'd apostate the dollar mini chocolate they have."

"Ooh, what about Berry Bonanza?" Roxas' mother said, moving to look at other sweets- and restarting Roxas' thoughts in the conversation about which ice cream looks good, and which doesn't.

Dear god, I would rather deal with _Seifer_ than sit through this. I closed my eyes and let my head thunk against the glass door.

"Hey Lamer, what are doing?" I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

I take it back.

I take it back.

I take it back.

I take it fucking back!

I opened my eyes and almost screamed, because there was Seifer, with Mother and her Spawn-known-as-Roxas nowhere to be seen.

Fuck.

"What do you want Seifer?" I said, glaring up at him.

"My dinner, if you don't mind." He said, smirking. Ever had one of those moments where you would gladly go to jail just so you could get rid of someone's donation to the gene pool?

Yeah, me too.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I snapped. I've been here over an hour, listening to my best friend and his mother talk about frozen food; I have a right to be a prick.

"You're in my way." That damn smirk just kept getting bigger! What was so amusing anyway?!

"You're in my view." It was then Seifer squatted down to my height and looked me right in the eye.

"I can't get to the frozen dinners with you sitting there, dumbass." He said, leaning in. And despite it being 30 degrees Kelvin, I was blushing like a fucking school girl. But then again, you would too if a really hot guy was a hair's breath away.

Yes, I just said Seifer was hot. Just because he was a prick above all pricks did not mean he was not sexy. But I would never – and you can quote me - _never_ fuck him. Why? Because his hotness does not even come close to countering my hatred for him.

And what's with that saying? 'A hairs breath away?' Hair can't breathe; it's made of fucking dead cells. So really, it makes no sense. Bet it's just there to confuse small children - make them think their hair is a living thing so they'll wash it more often.

Parents are sneaky bastards like that; ever kept under your bed clean so your dad could see the bogie man if he was there? My point.

But as I was sitting there, with my ass officially frozen to the cold tile, and my sexy arch enemy leaning way too close into my person bubble, that stupid saying really started to bug me. Not the fact that, you know, the person I would happily watch burn in fucking hell was looking at me as though he wanted to fucking _eat me._

"What's a 'hairs breath away'? Hair can't breathe right?" No you're not imagining anything; I really did just ask that. No 'Get the hell away from me!', no punch to the face, nothing. At all.

Fucking brilliant aren't I?

"Well," Seifer said, a strange look crossing his face - and really it was at this point I should have become afraid - "Why don't I cut off your oxygen and we'll see if you can't breathe through your head."

And this is when my come-backs come back (ha-ha, come back get it?..........Fuck you. Jokes aren't my thing.) "Murder is still illeg-mh!"

The 'mh!' there was the sound of him covering my mouth with his.

For those of you about as braindead as I was in this moment, let me put it in layman's terms:

He fucking _**kissed**_ me!

As the realization dawned on me, I got the bright idea to move my head to the side to break contact. But low and behold, that little genius plan didn't work due to Seifer's hand securely holding my jaw, forcing me to stay in place as he continued to mould his lips to mine.

I tried to squirm away but he just tightened his hold. I felt something wet and warm brush against my lips. I jerked back at the feeling, Seifer's grip not quite able to keep me still. I went tumbling back and couldn't help but feel a tug in my heart at the hurt look that briefly showed in my bully's eyes.

His ice blue eyes pierced my soul as they smouldered. His smirk came back to his face as he started towards me. The look of sadness was gone from his eyes now, replaced with determination and animal lust.

And it scared the crap out of me. So much so that I couldn't move as he climbed on top of me.

"That wasn't very nice, Lamer." Seifer leaned down to my ear, his breath sending shivers up and down my spine. It was either his breath or the hand wandering up and down my side.

As his hands reached the bottom my shirt, they slipped underneath it, and all I saw was stars. His mouth had gone to nipping and sucking along my collar bone, making my mind attempt to split in half, trying to think of how fucking _good_ the sensations coming from my collar bone were, and trying to think the same about the hands dancing across my flesh.

His mouth was on mine again, and this time I didn't pull away when his tongue brushed against my lips. I was running on instinct as I opened my mouth. His tongue brushed against my teeth, his mouth assaulting mine as his hands moved lower and lower.

And then they were gone.

They were just fucking _gone_!

I sat up and blinked at the very profound lack of Seifer above me. The prick was reaching into the freezer and pulling out a frozen dinner. As he shut the door, he winked at me. "'Til next time, Lamer." And then he turn and left.

And I sat there, staring at the way he'd gone.

"Hayner! I've decided on Green Tea!"

"Ugh!!!"

**Alright! People! So I'd like to say right now, that part of the kissing scene was written by the very very awesome Zosi! Because I was failing so badly and she helped me out because she is cool like that. So review and tell me what you think!**

**As always thanks to my Beta FinalFallenFantasy, and her Ninja spell check power!**

Zosi Note: chocolate milk and porn! *thumbs up with cheesy smile*

**Beta note: ***nosebleeds* That was goddarn sexy… Excuse me while I find tissues. Thank goodness I'm wearing black…


	2. Chapter 2

OKAY PEOPLE. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SENDING ME MESSAGES SAYING

"Its really a hairs breadth away, not breath."

I _know_ what its supposed to be, its wrong on **_purpose. _**

Its part of the **_joke. _**Ya'know, what makes the story**_ FUNNY?_**

Thanks to anyone who reviewed, and those so are about to. I appreciated it; but please please please do not send me a message saying i am wrong. I know, thats the joke.

Thanks for reading and reviewing and caring enough to try and correct me!

Shipet


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